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It never ceases to amaze me how mooshy gooshy romantic my man is.. and how much I am the hard headed tough as nails one in our relationship ;) He is absolutely sweet enough for the both of us. I just received a lovely letter from him in the middle of my lazy day off work. I spent the day laying around and hanging out with my mama, watching documentaries about Area 51, cooking homemade pizza, and only leaving for OR smoothies and emergency chocolate then back to relaxing. Going to sleep now after an insane week at work. My body is sore, my finger has an indentation from opening way too many bottles of wine and I am soooo exhausted -- BUT all in all my bank account is growing and the end is in sight. Falling asleep listening to Bon Iver and just 3 weeks now til Europe.
Here's the letter from my sweet little thing.
All you touch and all you see is all your life will ever be.
Here we are, 3 months apart with the end in sight. It has been hard, yes, but inside this hardness is contained something learnt, that from my point of view, has changed my life forever. As you well know, I like to speak of things in a chronological fashion, where I begin with my thoughts in the past and work my way through them to the present. So let me start the night before I flew back to South Africa. I got physically sick thinking about parting ways with you even though it was for only a month. I thought my stomach was going to harden and come rolling out of my mouth as we sat there in silence. I was aware of how physically stoic we both were, maybe out of fear of actually dying if we attempted any sort of sex. It was surreal, otherworldly and non-dimensional. Jump ahead to the last night you were in South Africa. We sat at dinner and spoke openly somewhat brutally about why we were splitting up again and what we both had to do to make this work. These past 3 months have been the fruits of me keeping my promises to you (and myself) after those two “last nights”.
There were a number of things that life threw at me that I had to master in order to get where I am right now. The first was work. Being out of South Africa for 8 months was akin to career suicide except that the bullet just grazed my brain and the noose snapped. I admit openly that I struggled hectically in the beginning to find work and remind people who I am and what I do. April and May were sporadic and I was losing sleep trying to work out a way to get my name out there again. I got an agent, I made a website (a vimeo one at least), I networked like a mother fucker. I sent the link of my show reel to every single production company in Johannesburg. Only now has work really picked up and I am glad I didn’t panic and was patient and didn’t ruin any contacts with a saturation carpet bomb of my work. The next major thing that happened in these 3 months was the arrival of Joe AND Karl. In between trying to get work left, right and centre, I have been looking after Karl, driving him around, getting him work, entertaining him, feeding him and making sure he’s warm. As for Joe, he should become Captain America so a lot of babysitting there too. Having both of these characters arriving within 3 days of one another posed problems such as places for them to sleep, how much food two extra boys consume in a household, dealing with parents who are mad, etc. It has been insane trying to explain that I don’t go out every night and drink from 11am (joe) until I go to sleep. I had to constantly remind them that they are here during a very crazy time for me with work etc. But I held fast and stuck to my guns and only had one hangover which was remedied by lying in the winter sun. Enough griping.
Back to the story thus far. It has been pandemonium without you. All of my friends are parts of couples. This means that because it’s winter, I have to go out with conjoined Siamese twins who constantly tell me how in love with our relationship they are. Weirdos. Everyone, and I mean everyone asks how you are and I tell them one of two things: a) she’s excellent/cool/beautiful/frustrated at work/studying/etc or b) ask her yourself you lazy idiot. As I mentioned in my last email (which I really thought you would reply to) my friends never ask “how and why are you having a long distance relationship?” instead they ask what animal we’ll get first as a pet which will only happen in a seriously long time. Then there are the people who tell me how you and I have changed their lives and how we have made their relationships grow. Tarryn, Rory’s girlfriend, says that she read an email exchange between the two of us on your blog and it made her go into the other room and hug Rory without a word. Trevor told me that he would wait for you to be by my side at his wedding because if we can do what we’re doing now, he can marry Justine. Even unemotional David said that he has never seen me happier than when I told him I bought my ticket to Bulgaria. Vossie claims that if he stayed in Russia, it would be because of us. Maybe we should write a book one day.
I was reading the amazing texts, emails and facebook messages we sent back and forth before I came to St. Louis. I KNOW YOU’VE READ THEM BEFORE but I suggest you flip through them again on your day off. We have something far beyond special. I mean the purity and innocence of our communication is honest and full of love. It’s rad.
I want to say that my life is growing well and strong except for one missing element. As soon as I have fixed that in October, who knows how far I will grow?
This blog is a place that I store anything and everything that inspires me. The main focus is my love for fashion, passion, art, travel, film, music and literature. I include some of my own photos, most are not. I am particularly fond of suitcases, robots, aliens, the beautiful people, shiny things, black holes, traveling to unknown places, and chocolate in any capacity - particularly Nutella. I like to cook, explore, chill, go on random and planned adventures, read, exercise, watch movies, see shows.
Hope you enjoy and stay a while.
"Long you live and high you fly, smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry. All you touch and all you see, is all your life will ever be." - PF